Question of the Day

There is a certain question that gets asked every now and then, and as I get older, I notice that I tend to get asked more and more. It’s one of those questions that I’ve never been able to understand the true ‘meaning’ of--probably a question that is supposed to be meant as a compliment, but if you really think about it, it’s kind of insulting… and if you think about it even more, it says a lot about our society and our way of thinking.

By now, you’re probably wondering what that question is. So, I’ll tell you. But not before I place it into context. As y’all know, I’ve entertained the idea of being a part of the dating scene for some time. If you’ve ever seen a kid with a new toy, then you can get an idea of how I am with the whole idea of dating. It intrigues me for all of one second before I am distracted by something else more interesting… something more “shiny” if you will… like a new book… or a really interesting infomercial. Lol.

Yup. There are times when I would much rather sit and read a book, or watch a movie… or maybe even cut my darn toe nails… rather than go through the hassle of going on a date. (Please don’t confuse “going on a date” with actually being interested in meeting someone worth meeting. There is a BIG difference.)

But I digress…

Out of a strange sense of obligation to myself, I continue to “put myself out there.” I agree to meet new people, get set up, join online dating sites… the whole nine yards. I make the effort to send and return “winks” as well as e-mails, participate in idle chit-chat, do the whole flirting thing, and then proceed to give out my number—which I am quickly learning is not a very smart thing to do. Nope. (Another topic for another blog.)

And so the whole “dance” progresses. Conversation ensues. And then… that’s when I get asked that question. That same question that older people tend to ask me as well… That question that leaves me stumped and not knowing whether I am actually expected to respond or just smile and do my best imitation of a bobble-head. That question is:

“Why are you still single?”

Now, at its first utterance, this question make take the guise of a hidden compliment, as in “You’re such a wonderful catch. I can’t believe nobody has snatched you up… blah, blah, blah…”

But if you listen closely, you can almost hear the stigma associated with being single. It’s as if being single is like having the cooties. Only “grody” people are single. Nobody decent could possibly have that “wrong” with them. Didn’t ya know?

So I believe that, in asking that question, people are subtly affirming that they are unable to see any major flaws or get a whiff of any malodorous deterrents that might be contributing to the whole “condition” of being single. So, they boldly ask what has been asked before.

But these days, I am beyond interpreting it as a compliment. I am beyond smiling and bobbing my head. I would like to get down to the nitty-gritty. Because I am a person who is constantly searching for answers myself, I would like to give the people the real response they’re wanting.

In my response, I would first like to acknowledge that I really do appreciate the whole, “I think you’re special enough to have a boyfriend, and I really want you to be happy” innuendo. But I think we have all been around enough to know that having a boyfriend does not guarantee happiness. Nope. Being in a relationship does NOT mean that your life is perfect.

Yup. I said it. Because I CAN say it. Not only because I’ve been there, but because I grew up there. I got to see how “special” all the women in my family were and have been. I have had the privilege of seeing how a woman can be the most beautiful thing a man sets eyes on one night, only to be the most disgusting thing in existence the next day.

Don’t get me wrong. None of this is meant to badmouth men or announce that I am bitter. Because I’m not. I actually let go of the bitterness a couple of years ago. I do not believe that men are scum. Nor do I hate any of them.

The whole reason for my mentioning any of this is to point out that being single is not always a mark of defectiveness, no more than being married is a prerequisite for happiness. One does not always go hand in hand with the other.

The truth is… I am still single… because… I am still single. Because God wants it that way, I say. Just like He wanted the sky to be blue and the earth to be round. It’s one of those things that just is. Being single is not a negative or a positive. It is just a neutral state of existence.

And even if it does have some scientific or philosophical explanation, just like with the theories on creation, there never will be a response that everyone agrees on or wants to accept.

It is the way it is.

So, now that I’ve cleared that up, feel free to ask me another question…