New Year's Resolve

Several times I attempted writing a blog before the coming of the new year, and several times I went into an emotional frenzy as a result. I didn't want to let go. I wasn't ready to let go. Not of everything. But of one thing, in particular.

For some time, I've been mourning over this particular event. A certain unanswered prayer. One that saddens me to no end. But I know that it is something that I must let go.

After several crying episodes, I resigned my attempts to write a graceful good-bye and wrote to Mine in Manhatitlan instead.

"There is so much I want to say right now, so much that is going through my head, but I am stumped… I don't know how to explain any of it…" I wrote. "The thing that has me sad right now is that love hurts..." I commented pathetically. I rambled about miscellaneous thoughts, mentioning an unrequited love, a couple of other worries, as well as my attempts to deal with all of my grief. "I don't know what the heck is wrong with me," I ended.

As always, Mine in Manhatitlan heard my cries over many states and responded faithfully.

"… this isn't the end of things really. Nothing ever is. Things change. Life keeps going," he offered sympathetically.

Did I know this? A long time ago, I did. But for a while, I seemed to have forgotten. I seem to forget a lot sometimes. Things that are right in front of me go unnoticed, and sometimes I tend to lose sight of my goals, reasons for making certain decisions, reasons to be thankful…

His correspondence continued with more words of solace, and even an expression of regret at not being able to offer a single brother as a potential mate. In essence, demonstrating how he appreciates my worth more so than I do myself. The beautiful thing is that other people—friends and family alike--have expressed similar sentiments lately, reminding me that not only am I not a cast-off, but that I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. And also reminding me that I am loved… whether I realize it or not.

I've concluded that all this time I've dreaded not having a potential object for my affection worse than I've dreaded losing one that will never reciprocate how I feel, and it's taken me this long to realize that I must let go of the old in order to grab onto something new. As simple as that may seem, it has not been simple to do. But this year I resolve to do it anyway.