True Love (originally titled "Doin' it MY way")

Every year at this time, thoughts of love permeate our world. But usually it is the kind of love that is characterized by physical passion, emotional commitment, heartfelt romance, tender kisses, long embraces, fragrant flowers, heart-shaped chocolates… all that good stuff. And it is true that love can involve all of this. But not all loves are the same.

Some relationships are difficult. They involve a love that is hindered by obstacles, dishonesty, denial, infidelity, lack of commitment… yet even so, these relationships can still withstand the test of time. When a decision is made to overcome these barriers and commit to making things happen, this type of love can be just as great as any other.

I’ve known love like this. For years, I have been in denial about the one I love. I was scared and sometimes even ashamed to admit to loving the one I did. Other times, I endured doubt or criticism from others as well as myself. After a while, the doubt made me stray. I tried to find other loves that might work better or that might please other people. It’s taken years for me to realize that the only one I need to please is myself.

I’ve decided that being dishonest with myself and with others has not proven wise or beneficial. And believe it or not, betraying the one I love has proven more hurtful to me than anyone else. Having to go through life wishing and hoping that things could have worked out the first time or that I wouldn’t have been seduced by others that promised me money or other material things has really eaten away at my spirit. For years it has made me truly sad.

This year, I am happy to say that a former love and I have a chance to be reunited. It has always been a rocky relationship. Over the years, I have had trouble committing, and quite honestly, I have to admit that I have strayed many times along the way. Yet my love has always been there, waiting for me to come back, never asking questions when I would occasionally find time to devote to our relationship in some way or another.

No one knows the real reason I did what I did. It would be too long of a story to go into. What’s important, though, is that I’ve finally realized the error of my ways. I’ve finally come to a point where I’m willing to do what it takes to make things work. I’m willing to make the time and the effort to cultivate this love and make it what it was truly meant to be in the first place.
I’ve realized that it’s not too late. We should never tell ourselves that it’s too late or that there is no hope. Because there is. There always will be.

Who is this love, you may ask? Well, actually, it’s not a “who,” but a “what”. As a matter of fact, most of you already know a part of it. It is my love of writing, or in this case, the STUDY of writing, and literature, and all that that implies. ;-)

That’s right. I’ve decided to go back to school to study what I want to this time. The first time around I was influenced and pushed into a direction that I never really truly wanted to go. I ended up with a Master’s degree in School Administration. Bleh!

But this time, I’m doin’ it MY way.

I have decided to apply to the M.A. program in English at UTSA. If all goes well, hopefully, I can get admitted for the summer. If not, then maybe the fall. And if things continue to go well after that, then hopefully, in the fall of 2011, I will be starting the doctoral program in Latino literature.

My love and I have been separated for way too long. But, alas, finally there is hope that we can be together once again. Only this time, it will be for keeps.

Wish me luck, y’all!

O-blog-atory... part 2

Oh my goodness, where has the time gone?
I know that I made a vow to blog regularly again, but I guess I completely forgot to set a deadline by which to get this done every week. Darn!

In my defense though, I can honestly say that I had no time to blog the last week and a half (two weeks) anyway because my last day off was actually the last day I blogged. So there. Today was the first day I had off in the last two weeks (I think). The days seem to run together so much sometimes that I can’t remember sometimes… If I recall correctly, the only day I had off last week was only a partial day. So, it didn’t really count as a day off.

So, the last two weeks have been pretty uneventful. I’ve just been working every night, sleeping every day. And somewhere in there, I have found time to eat… go grocery shopping, do laundry, get my car inspected, and start a new skin care regimen.
It seems that in my older years, I have started to develop fine lines and wrinkles. So, I decided to start using Oil of Olay about two weeks ago. I now realize that Oil of Olay makes me break out. Ugh. BUT I will say that I have begun to see it’s immediate effects on the fine lines. So, now I am torn. Which is the worse of two evils? And if any of you feel compelled to recommend ProActive, let me just tell you that that makes me break out in the most HORRIBLE way. Oh my gosh!

But I digress… let us not dwell on my skin woes… life is too short…

The reason I have been working every day for the past two weeks is so that I could have an entire week off. I had to balance out my work hours.

On my first day off, I decided to do nothing that would require me to leave the house. That is reserved for tomorrow. So, today I turned down three dinner invitations and a potential blind date so that I could sit at home all day in my pajamas and watch TV. It really was a much-needed day off. It is the end of the evening, and I am finally starting to feel rested.
Earlier in the evening, I decided to cook dinner, and for the first time in what seems like forever, the Mexican rice I made actually came out good. Not crunchy at all this time.

And since I had no time to make pumpkin bread over the holidays (the way I wanted to), I finally made some today. Only this time, I decided to cut out more sugar than I usually do. It seems that this sugar phobia of mine is getting a bit out of hand. Instead of 3 cups of sugar, I only added one and a half cups. It didn’t really come out bad… but I started thinking that that butter-cream frosting recipe from that cake decorating class might come in handy in times like these. Thank goodness for whipped cream! I just put some heaping dollops of that on my serving of bread, and voila! Instant yummy-ness!

Of course, all this food was just a healthy reminder that I really should be working out regularly. I intended to start last week, but that didn’t happen. You know, I’ve read that if you want to start working out that you should get a workout buddy. A workout buddy is supposed to hold you accountable and make sure you set goals and reach them. My workout buddy seems to have disappeared on me though. But that’s a different story.

I also decided to try and update my myspace profile again… talk about a pain…

The last productive thing I finally did this evening was try to clean out my e-mail inbox. Am I the only one who has trouble getting this done? I had over 300 unread e-mails. I think I am just going to create a new e-mail address…
And that’s my blog for this evening… gotta get ready for tomorrow… I have plans to leave the house and run around town the next few days…(you can read about all that next week—if I don’t get the urge to share sooner…)

Not to mention I also have some other writing to get done… the kind that doesn’t get posted here… this was just to keep y’all updated, and to hold myself accountable…

Talk to y’all later…

Thanks for reading…